Cover your ears children, this post is brought to you by the letter D.

Don’t worry this post isn’t going all 50 shades of Grey. But let me tell you, Unicorns do exist. When I said I guess we will see where things go with this guy, I didn’t expect them to be floating around on Cloud 9. To protect the innocent in this post I’m going to refer to this dreamy man as Burly B, because “sex so good gonna make a girl fall in love” is way too wordy.

Yesterday was a rough Monday and I needed a turn around. So I told Burly B to swing by my house before it was time to go pick the kids up from club. Nothing gets the blood pumping like a secret, time limited rendezvous. He texted back with “sounds like a damn good plan” and I swear I stopped breathing for a minute. I know, I’m like a 16 yr old girl smitten by the high school football star. Honestly just seeing this man and listening to him talk is all I need to make my day. I just don’t understand what he is doing to me. I’m literally sitting here at work grinning ear to ear, looking pretty insane just thinking about crawling in his lap and listening to him talk about his day. What is wrong with me? Ewwww, feelings. Anyways, back to the juicy stuff. So I get home first. I am pacing around my house, short of breath and shaking. Why so nervous? No clue, I think it’s just my adrenaline pumping and I can’t wait for him to walk through that door so I can jump his bones. He texts me “half way there” and my dumbass self says “whoaaaa living on a prayer.” What the fuck are you doing Jenn, that was the lamest shit ever. A Bon Jovi song? Really? *palms face* I hear him pull up and I panic, ok act cool, don’t look like you’ve been impatiently waiting for him. *lays on couch, looks posed and suspicious* He walks in and immediately starts small talk. “How was your day?” About to get a whole lot better. For some reason I really get off on casual conversation while you’re trying to rip each others clothes off. Like I can’t really answer what I had for lunch because I’m trying to shove my tongue down your throat.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t really know what happened in that 30 minutes but that mutherfucker (haha literally) rocked my world. Why does it get so much better each time? Is this intentional? Does he know what he’s doing here? Or is he also just flailing into the wind like I am? THEN this fool had the nerve to put his clothes back on and NOT rush out the door but instead put his arm around me and lay beside me and want to know more details of how my weekend was. WHAT AN ASSHOLE RIGHT? Listen up men, this is how women catch the feels. He just fed a whole left over lasagna to the homeless starving puppy. You are now a owner of a new puppy, feed me and let me sleep in your bed. But here’s the thing… I’m not suppose to act like this right? It’ll scare him away because I want to expect more from him then just throwing me some dick right?? Ugh. Is it really this difficult or is the ragging female inside of me just making it difficult?  Calm down, play it cool.

Talking about my sex life on the internet is probably a really bad idea. But I am a adult, stupid decisions are allowed. On the plus side, all of my dumb decisions are now here for your enjoyment.

I should really get back to being productive instead of reminiscing on my mind blowing Monday. I wonder if he celebrates tongue teasing Tuesdays? I think that’s a very important question to ask. *grabs phone*

Later cunts.


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