I don’t always get hit on by strangers, but when I do…..

There is a HUGE difference between man and woman.

Woman: waits around for man to interact due to the fact she doesn’t want to look too forward and come off as easy.

Man: sends dick pic to random stranger.

There must be something in the air because lately my inbox has been blowing up. I really don’t understand it. Maybe it has something to do with the weather getting colder and people are trying to find some body heat for the winter. Seems legit.

First off, I don’t care how many mutual friends we have, I am always going to assume you are a serial killer and want to cut me up in tiny pieces and serve me at the next family bbq. That being said, do not invite me to your mom’s house for a movie night because your dog sitting and would love some company to lay on the couch with and watch romantic comedies. Unless I have hung out with you in person, do not try to lure me to your home. The fact that the dog your watching is super cute will not change my decision.

No I would not like to “cum” over.

This one guy messaged me and told me I would make a really hot pregnant women, then proceeded to ask if he could impregnate me. Classy.

Just because I reference how wet it is outside, why in the fuck would you automatically mention how wet you’d like it to be inside….You’re getting no where near me with that lame joke.

Now keep in mind that I also have a dirty mind and mouth. But I have the ability to not speak like that to complete strangers I am trying to impress.

If you have never met me in person, you should always assume I am a obese elderly black man, praying on young white boys. So stop messaging Good morning hot mama on facebook. Half the time I am late for work and half asleep, not what I want to deal with at 7am.

Also, I do not want to examine your giant vein on your penis while I am grocery shopping. I don’t even know you. Could you imagine if women just sat around all day sending vag shots to strangers? The male community is nodding their heads in approval right now.

“Hey if I keep poking you on facebook, you might end up pregnant”

“If you were mine, I’d never pull out”

“I  don’t have Netflix so you wanna cum over and just chill?”

“You want to come over and eat something my mom made? What? ME.”

If you give her your number and she doesn’t text it immediately afterwards, move on bro.

Btw. Your girlfriend in your profile picture is super pretty. You should hit her up instead of me.

Crazy thing is, all these things are perfectly acceptable once you get to know someone. At that point it’s hilarious, sweet and sexy, not creepy.

Moral of the story, don’t hit on me. I’ll just talk shit about you in my blog posts.

 

 

I’m new to the blogging world and would love to hear some input from anyone who stubbles across my nonsense. Leave me some love in the comments!

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