Welcome to the oh so dreaded Monday. Time to sober up and put my scrubs back on. I bet that guy who won’t text you back was born on a Monday. I’m half awake and cranky. So while my coffee brews, I am going to whine and bitch. Mainly about all the things that drive my crazy.
- This literally just happened. When you go into a empty public restroom, you know that has like 20 stalls, and someone goes in the stall right beside you. Are you scared? Do you feel like you need to be really close to someone? There is literally 19 other empty stalls! Oh and of course they have to take the worst smelling dump while I’m just trying to hide in here and stalk my exs on facebook.
- Human interaction before 10am. Just stay the hell out of my face with your stank ass morning breath. I am well aware I have to be at work by 8am. Hence the hiding in the bathroom.
- Bartenders who cut you off. I’m paying you to get me drunk, enough with this “get off the bar”, “mam’ please put your shirt back on” bullshit.
- Getting hit on while driving. I mean cause you can really tell I am the women of your dreams through my tinted windows. I am not coordinated enough to drive, make sure you have all your teeth and give you my number. My car is way too pretty to be upside down in a ditch.
- Your ex’s new girlfriend. He’s yours now, stop dragging me into all your arguments because you’re insecure about your life and relationship. Come on, are you really going to start fighting over the fact that you were stalking my Facebook and assumed that a meme I shared was about him? Girl Bye!
- That’s another thing. People who take shit on social media to a whole new level. I’m just trying to watch these cat videos, stfu up with your racist political arguments because a black man posted a meme about supporting gay rights. Jesus, you mouthy ass southerns. The internet was invented for the sole purpose of sharing videos of animals doing cute shit. Ok, I know it wasn’t but we can pretend.
- Men who let you get so wrapped up into them and then act surprised when you catch feelings and want more out of the realtionship. Oh shit she said the “R word” time to become a shady asshole so she will back off a little but still hit her up when im drunk and need some lovin. This wasn’t a one night stand. The moment we become on a consistent eat, fuck and talk about our day schedule is pretty much the day you sign an invisible contract to tell me I’m pretty on a daily basis, don’t do shady shit, and don’t share your goods with other women( I mean unless its a group effort). I think that’s pretty fair.
- It makes me very upset that eating bacon and chocolate chip pancakes everyday doesn’t make you lose weight.
- When your child is being “that kid” in Wal-Mart. Look she turns into a demon when she is hangry, don’t judge me or my parenting.
- When your bestfriend’s get taken away from you by stupid boys that want to marry them and knock them up so you have to bear through 9 months without margarita Mondays, wine-o Wednesday and thirsty Thursdays. The struggle is real.
Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! Stay Classy fuckers.