White girls love fall.

The weather has dropped 10 degrees and I have already lost my damn mind. From the scent of my house, to the flavor of my beer. PUMPKIN EVERYTHING. pumpkinI am not at fault tho. It is built into my basic white girl DNA. I may not own UGG boots but I do rock a pretty mean Han Solo outfit. Ok, ok being white has absolutely nothing to do with why I love fall. It’s just a pretty hilarious stereotype. I love being outside, so the fall works out perfect for me. Cold enough to kill the annoying bugs but not so cold that you’re nipples freeze over and fall off. I like lighting stuff on fire. Nothing says fall like a making smores over a pile of burning memories. Most people just use wood, but I think some of your exs stuff thrown in makes for a better fire. Considering I have a barn full of the shit he left behind 2 years ago, I should stay pretty warm on these cool nights. Yes I’ll be wearing a flannel, and you’re damn right I’ll be drinking a pumpkin beer as I smile over my fiery accomplishments. Did that sound like I was bitter and had a little bit of resentment? Nah, I’m just super resourceful. imagest49aggxg

I have decided to be spontaneous today. As soon as I get off work, my friend and I are throwing a bag and a tent in the car and heading off to the mountains. Shutting ourselves away from the entire world.Our motto for the weekend is “fuck it.” Screw our responsibilities for the next 2 days. Forget all the stress and troubles our lives are full of. We’re just going to be 2 girls lost in the woods with a bunch of wine and gossip. Oh and bacon, because camping isn’t the same without fire cooked meat candy.  If it wasn’t for places like hobby lobby and home goods I would be a woods living, eating off the land, minimalist. But now every room  of my over sized house contains a random ass gallery wall and I live off of Cookout trays. There is no such thing as a bacon wrap tree apparently.

I am in need of a fall buddy. You know, that one person that is always down to go do fall shit. I have a list of like 50 haunted houses I want to go to. Fuck pumpkin picking. Why would I want to spend my day picking out pumpkins when I can walk right into food lion, where that pumpkin is going to end up anyways and walk 10 feet to my left and bam loooka there, its the wine section. I need someone who is down to go hiking deep into the woods just to see the leaves change on the trees. I don’t care if it sounds stupid, that shit is pretty. Also I need someone with a little bit of meat on their bones. Cause it is getting chilly out and you gotta share that body heat. Also this person needs to remind me to always keep a bottle opener and glitter in my purse.  These are two very important components in the life of a white girl.

Work is dragging because I am so inpatient to get off work and start my weekend adventure. Going to make those hiking trails my bitch. The guys in the office have been dicks lately. Still giving me hell about calling out Monday BECAUSE OF A FUCKING SMALL TOWN DISASTER. Whatever. I’m probably going to call out this Monday too. I’m sure I’ll “accidently” get lost in the woods or clawed by a bear trying to steal my meat candy and wont be able to make it into work. They all seem so miserable with their lives. Don’t hate me because I come in here first thing in the morning with a huge smile on my face. The fact that I am so positive and happy makes them sick. It also makes them question if I should be drug tested. But truth is it’s a lot easier to deal with people after an orgasm or 4. Thanks King Daddy.

Hope you all have an amazing weekend. Stay safe, don’t stay sober and as always, stay classy assholes.


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