You should know better..

“I think too much, I see too much, I feel too much but I speak so little.”

Except if its on my blog, then I don’t shut the fuck up. That quote forgot to mention that I also drink too much. But not too much that it is directly effecting my life and I should probably go to AA.

Have you ever been sitting right beside someone and your mind is screaming like a million things at them but you can’t seem to make any of those words come out your mouth?

That’s me. If you ever see me sitting there, completely quite, it’s because I have something really important I need to say to you. It’s dumb. I’m 27 and still don’t know how to communicate properly. 65% percent of the time that “something really important” is “Yo I want to molesticate your face, right now. ” Ok, Ok I’m sorry. I am well aware I have teenage boy hormones. I’m telling you, if you met King Daddy, you would def. understand my frustration. Look dude, I like you.

 

So I think I grew out of a stage in my life Saturday. After spending all day doing responsible adult stuff like yard work, cleaning house, paying bills, day drinking, I went and had a little me time. My kid’s dad stopped by and wanted to take her to dinner and a movie. Which of course ended up being candy from the dollar store and Netflix. Whatever, she got to spend time with him so she was super happy. I went over to a friends house for a bonfire. It was nice, a big warm fire, cold pumpkin beer and good conversation with some of my favorite people. Then I got that text. “Girl we are out at Hero’s it’s lit, get your ass out her nowwwww” The majority of me said “nooooo don’t do it, you’re dressed like a lesbian and your wallet is hurting from todays trip to Target where you spent $200 on shit you don’t needddd.” But the other part of me said “fuckkkk ittttt.” When I say I was dressed like a lesbian I mean I was wearing black Vans, jeans that were too big for me, a black long sleeve band tee, and a backwards ball cap. No makeup, smelling like burning wood and blue moon. All the lesbians are shaking their heads saying bitch we don’t dress like that. Just so you know, I was approached by a women, and I may have thought about it…What? She looked warm and like she could cook a bombass breakfast.

Anyways, so here I am in a crowded bar, sober. Normally in this situation I am dressed super girly, whore makeup and I’m slurring my words. This is the exact reason why you don’t eat at Waffle House sober. You notice how disgusting  and horrible this place really is. First off, I had to park in the rape zone of the overflow parking lot because there was NOWHERE to park. My friends are shitfaced. There are too many people here that I know and do not care to communicate with. Don’t make eye contact. It’s bad when you haven’t even walked up to the bar yet and the bartender waves you down, calls you by name and hands you a bluemoon, extra orange. This is like the equivalent of your mom cleaning your face with her spit in public. Most of the people I see out here are my exs friends. Stop hitting on me, why would you want your friend’s ice cold leftovers? Oh wait damaged females are easy targets. Put your dick away prick. Why did I come here. This guy that has been trying to date me for the longest time walks up to me and says the typical “whats up stranger?” I am a stranger because last time I saw you, you bit the fuck out of me and got super pissed because I wouldn’t have sex with you. 5 minutes after he tells me that he really would love to take me out sometime I see him tongue deep in a 55 yr old women who appears to be supplying his drinks for the night. Do your thang boo boo but Ew. Go outside and I am super happy that I am not one of these dumb bitches not wearing any clothes in 40 degree weather. Appreciate the warmness of the dike attire. I have been offered at least two different kinds of drugs at this point. Screw this, I’m ready to go home. I wait till my friends are distracted by a group of douchebags with shinny watches. “Yo you hitting up the after party?” No I’m hitting up Cookout and my battery operated boyfriend. Get out my face. Survive the walk of darkness to my car. Didn’t get raped. Mission accomplished. The people in this town suck. Guess I now have more time to binge watch Netflix.

I lay in my ice cold bed and stare at the ceiling till 4 am. My cat keeps sitting on top of my head, pawing me in the face because she wants me to get up and feed her. I give in. I accidently fell into a bowl of ice cream on my way back to my bed. Snuggle up with my 3 blankets and 15 pillows. I miss him.

 

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and your Monday doesnt suck as bad as mine. I need a 13 hour nap.

Stay classy assholes.

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