I think the title of this post is a pretty accurate description of myself. Don’t you worry, it took many years of fucked up situations to form me into this lovely wreck sitting right in front of you. I was raised as a man fearing submissive and have been brought up in a dominant don’t let no one tell you shit world. It’s a life long contradiction that has left me with my head spinning and my heart played with like a hacky sack. This isn’t a pity party. Just a means of understanding the kind of person I am. A understanding why I coat my entire life in humor to run away from all seriousness. But yet I wonder why no one will take me serious? I’ve never felt good enough. Is this a feeling by fault or have I just never come across the right individual to make me feel like I fully satisfied their wants and needs? I will spend my entire life trying to prove to people that I am good enough when these people are incapable of being satisfied. It’s a never ending cycle of daddy issues and lack of confidence. Am I waiting for someone to fix me? No. Just trying to fight my own demons daily and come out the victor at the end of the day. I try to drown them, but the bastards are great swimmers. I have a better chance of finding someone else’s demons that mine play well with. I carry this oversized heavy ass bag of emotional baggage, but I hide it well. As if it was a tiny piece of lent hidden away in pocket of my worn out jeans.
I may be a unrailed train heading straight towards a cliff, but there is still something beautiful about the way I crash and burn.
Can you not tell I have had my head deep into a book all weekend?. It has got me all caught up in false realities and the fact that I am not living my life to its fullest extent. Also, it’s not a great idea to read dirty romance novels if you’re forever alone. I am about ready to pounce on someone. But the someone I want keeps sending me to voicemail.
Also can we hit on the fact that I was approached by a couple (AGAIN) to come join their pants party. Yes, I mean the party in their pants. They thought I was “hot and looked to be a lot of fun.” I can’t find my own relationship but I keep getting hit on by married couples that want me in theirs. Maybe I should just give in and accept the fact that this is my life destiny.
I’m all over the place today.
Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Stay Classy, assholes.