Stranger Danger.

All aboard the creeper train. Last stop, my house.

I moved to this small town about three years ago. Since day one, I have had an issue with bum ass dudes making me feel super unconformable living alone.

The first guy I had a problem with was this early 40’s fresh out of jail, just moved in with grandma across the street. He could see the entire front of my house from his front door where he liked to sit on the steps and smoke his Newport’s. You know why he spent so much time on the steps? Because he was on house arrest and couldn’t go any farther. When I would take my dog for a run he would always sit outside and holler at me to come to the steps he wanted to talk. I would politely decline and keep running. Faster. Then the ankle bracelet came off. Every time he saw me outside he had to stop and hit on me. I was literally covered in grass, dirt and sweat one day from working in the yard. “Yo girl you looking fine as hell today, who you trying to look good for?” Umm Idk I guess some no standard bum like you. “Girl, lemme go take you to that new Chinese buffet, I feed you real good.” No thanks bro, all of a sudden im kind of sick to my stomach. “Look, I’m not trying to get married or anything I just want to spend some time with you, get to know you, ALL of you.” Fucking stop. This continued for a month. It’s like every time this fool saw me step outside he would jump in my car and head  to my house. Get the fuck out of my yard. He would stand at the door and knock for what seemed like forever, while me and my kid would hide out in the back room. I was never rude to him. I would always say, I’m not interested but thank you, it’s flattering. We are neighbors and we need to look out for each other, but from a distance”. The day I called the cops, he finally got the “from a distance” point. THEN this fucker shows up at my job. Not once, not twice, but THREE times. Ok so I know that I work at a hospital and that’s plenty of a reason for him to be here. BUT HE WASNT HERE TO SEE ANYONE BUT ME. He would walk up behind me and grab my arm and say “girl, you in them scrubs just make me feel some type of way.” He started showing up and the bar I always went to on Thursday nights. When I have to stop going to my favorite drinking establishment because of a stalker, that s BIG fucking problem.

He atleast did one good thing for me. My kid’s dad showed up at my house in the middle of the night. PISSED. He was banging on the door and windows, yelling all sorts of shitty things. I’m peaking out the window watching him act a fool, throwing shit off the porch, kicking over plants.. And here comes my big ass creeper. I hear him tell him that if he doesn’t get off my front porch he was going to physically make him. bye bye fucker. There he went, faster than a bunny in heat. Preciate it.

There’s the young guy down there street that for some reason thinks that revving his mustang at me is going to make me slip and accidently fall onto his penis. You wish lameass.

Now there’s a new one. I feel like he’s just a little lost puppy, on drugs. I saw him at the gas station one day, he walked there. He told me hi and I politely smiled and said hey. I saw him again at the grocery store. Same thing happen. Hi. Smile. Hey. Then I see him on the street I take my dog on a run every day. It’s a small town, I don’t think nothing of it. He likes to walk, I get it. HELL NO. Everyday I have came home from work this week, he is standing at the stop sign by my house just looking around. As soon as I park the car, he starts walking his ass off in the other direction. I keep finding cigarette butts on my porch. Remains of the fact that someone has been hanging out up there while I’m not home. My neighbors have even said something to me about who this guy is. Like what are you doing dude?

This is why I get so creeped out by noises in the middle of the night. Or when my dogs wake me up with their barking. I have that moment where I lay there in bed and accept the fact that someone is about to break in, rape me, and dump my body at some pig farm. Well obviously they would have to get thru a big headed pit and shiny black pistol before any raping goes on…

I think the worst of every situation. I wish I still had a naive mind where I thought everyone was a good person. Truth is, people suck and they do shitty things.


Today has been so blah. Out of my coffee in the breakroom so I have resorted to drinking decaf. It’s like drinking non alcoholic beer. What’s the fucking point. None. I’ve really been craving human interaction lately. No not in the sense of seeing the same robots every day at work.

I want a warm body and intimate conversations about life. I crave substance and intelligence.

Who am I kidding, I’m probably just hungry.

Have a super fantastic Thursday everyone! Stay classy dickwads.


3 thoughts on “Stranger Danger.

  1. Sorry to joke, but when you blasted out “lost little puppy. On drugs.” All i could picture was a basset hound puppy who got into some heavy duty LSD and all the poor kid could do is try not to trip over his floppy AF ears as his little puppy eyes go around in circles as he tried his hardest to get those stubby paws to walk to his water bowl to try his hardest to stare at his reflection.


    Liked by 1 person

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