If you threw yourself any harder, you’d win the world series.

Damn girl, slow your roll.  dsfdfs

I am so caught up in the everyday chaos that I’m not stopping long enough to smell the roses. I think it’s actually making me physically ill. Lately I keep getting these dizzy spells. You know when you’re super drunk and you stumble into bed and as soon as you close your eyes you have to put your foot on the floor to brace yourself because the world is spinning so fast you think you’re going to fall off the side of the earth? Well that keeps happening to me at random times throughout the day. My peripherals go black and I wont stop spinning for like 2 minutes. Then I’m fine. I need to slow down.

I’m throwing myself too hard at situations where I just need to sit back and see what unfolds in front of me. I need to learn that it is ok not to have control over a situation and let things work their own way out. I have this mindset that if I’m not consistently involved then I will be pushed to the side and forgotten. I need to let the wind blow in whatever direction it wants and stop trying to force it to blow only in my direction.

Work is always a nonstop chaotic mess. Every time I turn around there’s another problem that I have to fix. There is no hope in humanity if these employees are the face of our future. I swear if you told them to put a blue ball into the blue box they would somehow find a rainbow color ball and lose it. I order some very expensive items for the Operating Room. Can you tell me how someone just misplaces a box that contains a $13,000 product that is needed for surgery in 2 hours? I have no idea. Apparently they don’t give a fuck like I do. Do you know where I found this item? Sitting on a shelf in a closet of the laundry department. Also it annoys the hell out of me that I am not taken serious because of my age. I like to think I’m pretty damn smart. I also work my ass off all day everyday. I feel like I talk and talk but no one listens to me. God forbid I try to correct any of these self righteous men in this place. They do no wrong and if you show them physical evidence they get defensive and just blow me off. Once again, trying to prove myself to people that will never be satisfied.

I’m trying to take the craziness out of my home life. I’ve noticed when I stop obsessing over trying to clean and get these little projects done, I don’t feel so rushed and panicky. For example, yesterday. As soon as I got home I was in frantic clean mode. My anxiety was super high and I was all over the place. Madelyn’s friends stopped by to play and it was so nice to just stop and spend time with all these youngins. Sit around and talk and play board games. It’s somewhat therapeutic. That’s all that children want anyways, for someone to give them time and attention.

My child’s ADHD has been another issue. We have been working so hard to find the right medicine that it has constantly been a emotional roller-coaster with her. Causing much stress in our home life. I took her off one of the meds and the mood swings got better. I’m slowly trying to work my way to get her completely off of medicine and use a alternate route of treating ADHD. I have been doing a lot of research and I going to hop on the holistic train. I’m going to get thru the holidays that are full of sweet treats and constant running around until I go full force. Since she will have a lot of time out of school this is when I’m going to stop giving her the meds and start adding things in. Change of diet. No more sugar, foods that contain MSG or coloring, no fruit juices or soda. Less TV time and more outside time. I really do need to get on teaching her to ride a bike with no training wheels. I’ve heard that doing yoga during the time of day that you see your child the most overwhelmed is great for calming and relaxing. Also I am curious into messing around with Kinesiology.

Here is the story of Oliver (Ollie). He was 8 years old when he was diagnosed with ADHD. He was medicated but drugs were not the answer. His parents brought him to The Applied Kinesiology Center of New York for natural therapy.
In Applied Kinesiology we address a phenomenon known as “Neurological Disorganization.” You are probably familiar with signs of this. It represents a neurological overload due to stress that manifests itself in behavior such as turning left when you meant to go right; brain fog, confusion, mood swings or the jumbling of words. Athletes who go “ into a slump” are usually suffering from this.
Children who are experiencing this functional problem with processing information will often be diagnosed as dyslexic, hyperactive or ADHD. In Ollie’s case, besides his diagnosis of ADHD a powerful clue that he was experiencing “neurological disorganization” is that when he came in on the first visit his pants were on backwards.
Treatment consisted of applied kinesiology therapy which included: chiropractic adjustments, cranial mobilization, percussor therapy, kinesiological muscle techniques, diet and specific exercises.  

I would do anything to get my kid of drugs. I don’t want her to have to spend the rest of her life relying on a tiny pill to function correctly. Everything I propose to try is safe. It wont hurt to try a different route.

My kid’s dad hasn’t contacted us in a hot minute. It’s been so peaceful and nice. I know she misses her daddy but she can’t miss all the drama and dead end promises that he always brought along. Especially after last time he saw her and flipped shit on all of us. I’m grown and I was even scared. God only knows how she felt.

She has started seeing a counselor. I’m hoping that she can work with her on confidence and anger issues. Help her with verbalizing her problems better. She wont talk to me. I’m the mean mama. My child needs to know how beautiful and special she is and stop focusing on all the negatives. Maybe that’s something I need to fix in my life to be a better role model. All she see’s is this sad, lost mama in front of her.

I’m a hot mess but I’m trying my hardest to get my life together. I hope you can see that and can some how dig deep and find the beauty in it all.

Hope everyone is having a lovely Tuesday. Stay Classy, assholes.







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