Twenty-sixes on my 96 Taurus.

Sundayyyyy Fundayyyyyy

The Monday after superbowl Sunday is always the worst. Hangover from hell. I pregamed a little too hard while I was cooking. It’s my signature move. Show up shitfaced with wayyy too much food. But the food is always delicious and normally so am I. Drunk or not, I’m always a good time. I’ve missed my friends. First time getting together with everyone since Thanksgiving. Almost forgot how hilarious this group of people are. Just kind of strange that half of them are walking around with a beer in one hand and a baby in the other these days. I can’t lie, I do have bit of baby fever. My ovaries scream louder than a preteen at a Justin Beiber concert when I see a attractive man holding a tiny baby. Don’t worry I am well aware of what a hot mess I continue to be and that I’ve got a lot more steps to take in life before I could even think about finding another piece of shit to knock me up and constantly remind me what the definition of crazy is. I just need to keep “practicing” for a few more years.

Speaking of practicing, I also had a fantastic weekend sleeping in a comfy bed engulfed in warmness from a beautiful man and a tired beagle. I really appreciate a person that can equally run their mouth as much as I do and also enjoys sleeping as much as I do. I felt like such a creeper though. I kept waking up in the middle of the night and just laying there staring at the back of his big head, listening to him snore. I wanted to wake him up so bad but I knew he had to get up early. Self-control SUCKS. It’s all good, I’m pretty sure Kingdaddy already realizes what a weirdo I am and that I masturbate in his bed as soon as he walks out the door to go hunting.

I really need to work on finding a filter for this mouth.

On the downside of life, I have decided to give up carbs. That means no more beer and french-fries. It is so heartbreaking but I’ve really got to get in better shape. I wanna be one of those elementary hot moms that all the other moms cant stand. Too bad I have to give up yummy beer. Whiskey on the rocks doesn’t sound like a bad trade up tho. Sorry liver, I’m not a nice person.

Hope everyone had a equally awesome weekend. Stay Classy Assholes!

 

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